Songs With Edges

I like songs with edges...

I like the song that starts as a whisper up in the brooks of a mountain, bubbling and swirling slowly into a melody and the foundation of what flows into a stream. It flows over rocks, like snare hits in a sporadic spread. Then, as it begins reaching the base of the mountain and into the fullness of a green, lush valley, it's become a river. It's wide, deep, and keeps you guessing what's happening under the surface. And near it's climax, the song becomes a waterfall, thunderous, massive, and inescapable. It launches you over the edge into a free fall of emotions. And once you hit rock bottom, wet and worn, you look back up at the mountain-top from whence you started, thinking through all the emotions and twists and turns the music put you through, and say to yourself, "What a beautiful thing I just experienced."

Blue Jays Dancing

It's been about two weeks now since I moved out and am facing this brave, new world on my own. Two weeks of multiple Wal-Mart stops for random household objects I took for granted all these years; two weeks of sitting in front of my TV with no remote, wracking my brain as to what comes next; two weeks of forcing myself to do the few dishes I have that are dirty, and finally realizing, "that's what paper plates are there for!" It's a transition. It's a time of change in every aspect of my life.

My relationships are changing, the way I see finances is changing, my attitude towards hard work is changing, but there is one area of change I have so longed for that is now staring me in the face and challenging me to take the next step: my spiritual life and daily sacrifice towards Christ and His church's mission.

Growing up in the youth group of a good 'ole Southern Baptist Church, the hardest decisions were, "should I go to the lock-in or not?" and "should I lift up my hands during this song?" Not saying that my time in youth wasn't positive or in no way helpful toward my walk. I'm just saying that, although there were invitations at youth camps and during retreats, the challenges were so futile and yet seemed so weighty then.

Now, however, the stakes are higher. There is an edginess about my walk and my daily life on this Earth. It's like every step I take could tip the balance of some spiritual battle I am unable to see...and knowing how I step, those battles probably wouldn't turn out too good. And terrifyingly, this isn't too far off base.

Everyday, as I've said before, is a battle. Satan is pushing and pulling and prodding us to trip up, to do something that makes us as "God-fearing people" look like failures in the world's eyes.

Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Whenever I am in this world and can emanate Christ's love, HE is winning battles. Whenever I am so in love with Him and am pointing back to HIS glory and grace, HE is winning battles. We may be foot soldiers and tools to be used by God in the grand scheme of things, but it's not our strength or our will that is being done on the battlefield...it's His.

And that is the thing that has changed the most for me. When I sit on the balcony and watch the blue jays dance or hear a sparrow sing or feel the warmth of the mid-afternoon sun, I say a prayer and it goes something like this:

"Lord, you created this all for yourself. It was for the glory of Christ that creation came to be. We are here to give back what love we can, which appears to be a mere sliver of the love you have for us. You know my thoughts, you know my emotions, and you know my passions, but help me realize they were put there by you so that I can give them back in surrendering service of your will. Wherever I am, in whatever state of mind, help me to meditate on your Spirit within me. I give myself to your will alone and not my own. I am your light and salt here in Las Colinas, from the people living around me to the patients I take care of, make me your ambassador of grace, to show others what I have discovered in You!"