Sometimes it's really hard to force yourself to study. Like, when you know it's your life in your hands and you will regret skipping later, you still decide to watch tv or play Rock Band (that may just be me) instead of reading or writing a paper. Then, once it's too late and you have your other pre-set appointments to fulfill, you get mad at yourself for screwing around and procrastinating.
I hate that because it ruins the rest of my day. It's my fault, I know, but I still hate the feeling. I know I'll feel like crap after the fact, but I still slack off! Poop...
Maybe that's how sin works? We tell ourselves everyday that we are giving ourselves over to God to be used completely, no matter what happens. We have this idea of a perfect day when we follow Christ, but that's never been our promise. Actually, we can usually expect a day filled with attacks from Satan and his army when we are faithfully pursuing Christ. And so, when a hard time comes along; a coworker upsets us; we hurt our ankle and let out a little curse; we hit a squirrel with our car; or we get stuck in a rainstorm in standstill traffic on our way home, we get mad at ourselves and forget about our well-intentioned, utopian idea of holding onto God.
Now, I know we aren't perfect. Far from it. But we are called to pursue that perfection, and when we fall short we should try that much harder. Guilt is not something God gives us to say "you're fault, not mine! You should've tried harder." No! He embraces us for who we are: dirty, ugly, imperfect, sometimes stupid humans that are so blessed with the grace of God that it's unfathomable. Beautiful and harsh at the same time.
So, whether it be in our walks or our books, let's pursue perfection. Stop putting so much blame on yourself and instead view it as a learning experience when we mess up. No more spiritual procrastination. CARPE DIEM!
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